How To Sell Anything On Craigslist

It’s not often that I have stuff that I list on Craigslist.  I love Craigslist, but I have the uncontrollable ability to create a sentimental attachment to something as mundane as a beer coozie from the movie Thinner.  I’m pretty sure that my wife occasionally throws away piles of my sentimental garbage, and I’m definitely not going to ever notice the absence of my Star Wars Pogs or the two boxes marked “sentimental t-shirts” (or so you thought, eh hunny?), and I’m probably better for it.  Occasionally though, I do have something really useful that I don’t need cluttering up my house anymore, and being that I lack the mental capacity to take anything seriously, I posted this ad:

Wireless AV Send/Receive unit – $60


AVS-5811 5.8GHz Wireless sending and receiving unit. Never been used, still in box. Send AV signal wirelessly to another TV in your house. Paid $130 new. Box includes one sending unit, one receiving unit, power adapters, 2x RCA cables, and IR mouse. Don’t want to miss any of the game while you’re in the kitchen fixing up a snack and grabbing another cold one? Everybody else watching the kick-off while you’re still flipping burgers on the grille? Game just went into overtime, and you’ve had a turtle-head since half-time? Now you can be the coolest guy you know and put a TV anywhere you want without having to run any cable. Send that signal magically through the air and not only be the envy of your friends on game night, but never miss another minute of the game because you lacked the necessary foresight to avoid Chinese buffet on Saturday night. You’re still going to spend all day Sunday on the shitter, but bring a bowl of pretzels and a few beers my friend, because you’ll be sitting front row.

E-mail with any questions.

WAIT – THERE’S MORE!!!

It’s Monday night, and you’ve been locked into having a night with just you and that special lady in your life (no, not your mom). You don’t want to miss the game, but that big screen in your living room is playing a romantic comedy tonight, and there is no way around it. You my friend, are a hero to all men now though, because with your new Wireless AV unit, you can tune that TV in your kitchen onto the game and while she thinks your waiting on her every wish and spoiling her rotten, you’re checking in on the scores every few minutes.

“Another glass of bubbly? Let me get it.”

“Popcorn? I’ll make some.”

“glass of wine and some chocolates? Be right back.”

“Yeah, I have a condom, wait right here”

The possibilities are endless, and it all starts by putting 3 twenties into this man’s hand.

I decided it was probably worth sharing with the world, and considering the entire world reads this blog, it seemed like a good place for it.  The last time I posted something on Craigslist was an ad for my Keurig coffee maker that was so great that it sold in 45 minutes.  It was, in fact, the greatest pile of words ever woven together in the history of written language, so I knew that I needed to find it and post it up here alongside this one.  Conveniently, it’s nowhere to be found to back that claim.    So, I fired this e-mail off to Craigslist to see if I could convince them to recover it for me:

To: help@craigslist.org
Subject: Fwd: POST/EDIT/DELETE : (appliances) Keurig with accessories – Like New

I’m trying to get the content of this ad I posted back in May and I’m hoping you can send me a copy of it.  It’s extraordinarily important that I find it.  I thought I had a copy of it somewhere, but alas, I have nothing.  Without this, I will be plunged into the deepest depths of sadness and sorrow. I will plod purposelessly through my remaining days, an empty hollow shell of the man I once was.  Possessing neither the will to go on, nor the courage to end it, my mind and body will slowly wane and decay like an old twisted tree felled into damp earth, in the deepest, dankest wood.  You alone now posses the power to save this man’s soul.  You are the chosen one, and it is now up to you to fulfill your destiny.

Go forth now Chosen One.  Be a champion.  Nay, A Hero.

Sadly, the deafening silence that followed leaves us only to assume that the once great hero has fallen, never to be seen or heard from again.

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One Response to How To Sell Anything On Craigslist

  1. We are trying to sell our son’s Jeep….we’ve had it on the list for almost 2 weeks now with nary a call. I’m sure the clever wordsmith you are could help us out here and it will most definitely be appreciated!! You may remember seeing our son at LiG…curly haired hippy dude Patrick…
    Thanks in advance for any/all improvements you are able to make!
    http://twinfalls.craigslist.org/cto/1976801382.html

    [Reply]

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